Is “Ferberizing” still a thing?
Thirty years ago, Dr. Richard Ferber wrote an influential
book advising parents to let their baby “cry it out” for specified periods
before offering comfort. I vividly recall an elegant dinner party
where the guests all dutifully ignored the banshee screams upstairs, as
well as the mortified parental faces downstairs.
I don’t know if Ferberizing actually works. Every time we
tried to put newborn Eleanor in the crib, her sobs and shrieks were too
heart-breaking to find out. Instead, every night of her first year, Eleanor
fell asleep in Daddy’s or Papa’s arms.
Last year I read a memoir by my contemporary and doppeler Rob Lowe.
Among the many things we have in common are a passion for fatherhood, including
its bedtime rituals. Lowe writes movingly about how his older son always
insisted his father tuck him in bed with dad’s special burrito-blanket
fold – until the inevitable day when his son said he didn’t need to be in a
burrito to sleep any more.
As I tucked my son in bed last night I felt just like Rob
Lowe, or maybe like Winnie the Pooh contemplating Christopher Robin’s looming
betrayal:
OLIVER: Papa, I think next year we’ll stop
cuddling at bedtime.
PAPA: Next year? You mean on your birthday,
or at New Years?
OLIVER: No, at the start of fifth grade.
Well, maybe sixth grade.
PAPA: That sounds good – we’ll be ready
by middle school.
Long relieved pause
OLIVER: (Sleepily) Papa,
how old do you have to be to drink alcohol?
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