Thursday, March 15, 2018

Sporting News

Any dream of a social life usually bursts as soon as I get the question: “So when will those adorable kids of yours finally be gone?” 

During the school year, we switch kid weeks every Friday. By 8:24 am, the last child is out the door. In theory, that means I am now available for parties, weddings, bar mitzvahs, you name it.

In reality, my friends all know I’m completely useless on Fridays. If they invite me to anything – a hot tub party, a book signing, a gala ball in my honor – occurring any time before Saturday at midnight, I’m going to flake. (New friends have to learn this fact through bitter experience.)

After a week with the kids I am so drained I cannot leave the house for at least a day. Actually that’s a big improvement over last year, when I was lucky if I got out of bed by Monday. Now I enjoy my apres-kid Fridays. Visualize me at home writing, cleaning, working, reading, watching TV, listening to jazz. What’s not in the picture? ANYONE ELSE.

So where was I a few Fridays ago? Sitting on an uncomfortable chair in the middle school gym, watching the seventh grade gymnastics championships. Next to my ex-partner’s visiting mother-in-law from Peoria.

Just a few years ago, I would have been voted the least likely person to spend his Friday evening in a crowded gymnasium watching young girls (including his own daughter) promenade in leotards of various sizes and shapes.

Conversely, who is the most likely person to fit that description?  Donald J. Trump.

It’s amazing how sports can unite the most unlikely people.

Gratuitous picture of gay Olympic figure skater Adam Rippon at the Oscars

Click here for more episodes of Gay Sitcom Dad

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