My previous blog post was about respecting everyone’s self-identified sexual orientation.
Here in Canada, we’re all about honour and respect.
When I originally posted Fifty Shades of Green Gables earlier today, I included the following cursory definition of "gay":
In my “Oscar Post-View,” I described Call Me By Your Name as both a “gay book” and a “gay movie.” In some contexts, I’ll use “gay” is a synonym for LGBTQIA+, or some other combination drawn from that potentially infinite sequence of letters and symbols. But, for me, the word “gay” usually connotes gay men.
All day today, or at least until 5:52 pm when I went
back and deleted the paragraph, I kept being distracted by a gnawing sense
something was missing. Or something was improperly present. One or the other.
Or both.
Nowadays I approach language primary as a writer. When
possible, I try to use common-sense nonsexist terms, but I’m not fanatical
about it. [Ed. Note: for you ultra-politically correct snowflakes out there,
that was all the trigger warning you’re ever going to get.]
“Gay” shows up in one of my sentences when it feels like the
“bon mot,” i.e., the
exact word to perfectly fits a particular place and time. Because of the way our brains work, often I’m not consciously aware why it’s the right word.
Sometimes it’s because the voice in my head said so.
If you have a problem with that, take it up with the
voices. My new friends. [Ed. Note:
no, the hyperlinks to the future don’t work. Yet.]
Any individual’s sexual
orientation1 blends identity
and identify. So names matter. [Ed.
Note: names always matter.]
1Few people experience
their sexual orientation as voluntary. Referring to “sexual preference”
is an awkward shibboleth that exposes the un-woke.
When the voices in my head suggest I choose the label “gay,”
what meaning do I/we intend to convey to the reader? For me, the core
definition is “someone who identifies as
‘gay.’ The Brotherhood of Gay Men is my tribe. They’re who my brain looks
for.
Overall, being gay is my secondary
social-and-therefore-human identity. Being gay has priority over numerous other
core characteristics, even writer, Mormon, disabled person, Canadian, English
major, Second Tenor, old maid, and lawyer. Gayness comes second only to my
primary clan identity as father/son.
That
makes me a gay dad. Bingo.
(It's 6:40 pm. Time to go to chorus rehearsal.)
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